My Life

Patience In The Waiting

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I like to be vulnerable with you guys.

I feel like we live in a world where we always show our best selves: cultivated social media accounts, pictures taken when we look our very best, only sharing the highlights, trying to desperately to hide our true selves. But I’m not into that. I’m human, I have flaws, I struggle with, well, lots of things, and I’m not going to act like I have it all together. I don’t. Not at all.

Things in my life have been weird lately. It’s like there’s a million different things happening, yet nothing happening at all. I’ve been here before, though, many times. This is the time where I read a zillion different books and write a crazy amount of random things and climb the mountain that is my backyard and pace around my bedroom and basically go insane, while also going deeper and deeper in my faith.

This is the time where the miracles happen. 

If I’ve learned anything in my short seventeen years on this earth, it’s that the times when you’re on the edge of everything—when you’re waiting and pacing and trying not to fall apart—are the times that you grow the most. They are the times when you discover who you are and what you want and what you are passionate about. And as hard as these times are, I would never give them up.

There was a time when the sitting and waiting was basically the worst thing in the world to me. But I’ve learned to relish it, to drink it all in. I’ve learned that dwelling on all the little things doesn’t make anything better; it just sends your mind into a tailspin. So I do my best not to worry about my subscriber count, or the amount of money in my bank account, or allow myself to check my email every ten seconds.

After all, the little things only become big if we allow them to.

Instead, I try to focus on the beauty of every little second. I try to laugh in the midst of my moments of impatience and force myself to dance around my room when I’m feeling down. I continue to go forth, even if it feels like I’m stuck in the same old place. Because the truth is, there are things happening all around me that I cannot see. And any moment now, I’ll no longer be standing on the edge of something; I’ll be right in the middle of it. And when that time comes, I will be ready to experience it in its fullness. And that is something to be thankful for.

 

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